


Happy

by Dizzy1967



Category: The Goldfinch (2019), The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23798146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dizzy1967/pseuds/Dizzy1967
Summary: How Boris loves Theo.There's no actual underage content I just tagged it to be safe because it is Vegas era and things are mentioned.(Boreo oneshot. Written on like.. 2 hours sleep and an entire pot of coffee.)
Relationships: Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky
Comments: 4
Kudos: 93





	Happy

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this makes some sort of sense, I will hopefully have time to comeback and make this a better fic!
> 
> (Russian translations at the bottom)

Theo is trying to ignore the buzzing beneath his skin, It's nearly impossible with Boris' hands moving slowly over  
his cheeks, his thumb pressing gently at his bottom lip.

Boris looks at him, eyes half lidded and hazy, hair sticking in all directions, the swings creaking quietly behind them.  
"Sorry.. did not mean to make you bleed."

Theo shrugs, letting his eyes fall closed.  
This was so close to too much, teetering on the edge of something dangerous.  
something Theo would have to try very hard to forget.  
"Only fair. I punched you." 

Boris laughs, his hands moving down,  
Down Theo's neck and settling in his shoulders, pressing him into the ground.  
"Very true, payback then, Potter. We are even now."

The pressure hurts and Theo can feel rocks digging into his back, he should push Boris off.. 

He doesn't.

Not even when Boris slings a leg over his hips and leans over him, gazing down into Theo's face, cheeks flushed and eyes glassy.  
They're higher than the clouds and Theo wonders if that's why he hasn't stopped this,  
That's what he's going to blame it on.

His heart pounds when Boris drops to lean on his forearms, pressing their foreheads together.  
"Why does it have to be like this, Potter?"  
Boris' voice comes out thick, cracking and Shakey.

Theo looks at him and his arms feel like lead, he wants to reach up,  
Grab hold of Boris and scream at the top of his lungs for him to smile again.

Please smile again.

"Like what?"  
Theo asks.

Boris' hand moves to stroke through Theo hair.  
"Like this.. where you won't remember what I say.. or what we do.." 

Theo feels something tighten in his chest.  
"What are you talking about?"  
He's trying to understand what Boris means, because he really can't mean what Theo thinks he does.  
Boris really cant want him.. not like this, not with flushed skin and hurried breaths.  
He can't want that.

Boris tipped his head up, pressing a kiss to Theo's forehead.  
"Я люблю тебя"  
Soft.  
quiet.  
Another kiss, lower this time, pressed to Theo's cheek.

Theo pauses, he's heard Boris say that many times.  
Late at night, when he thinks Theo is sleeping.  
Early in the morning or when Theo makes him food or coffee.  
He doesn't know what it means.. and Boris won't tell him.  
"I don't understand what you're saying."

His skin burns everywhere Boris presses his lips.  
His cheeks, chin and neck.  
Theo moves to hold boris' sweater, fists curled tight in the fabric.  
He wants to shove Boris away, before something bad happens, because the sun is setting, it's cooling down but Theo is still burning, boris' hands creeping beneath his shirt.  
"Boris."

Boris looks at him, pressing another kiss to Theo's cheek, right beside his mouth.  
"Да, моя любовь?"  
Another kiss on his chin.

Theo feels his breath catch, he wants Boris to kiss him.  
He wants to punch him again.  
"Stop, stop. I can't understand you."

Boris' fingers moving slowly down his side.  
"не заставляй меня останавливаться"  
Quiet and broken against Theo's skin.  
"Я только этого хочу"  
His nails scraping at Theo's sides, making him jump, knees knocking against boris' hips in an attempt to close.

Theo pushes at boris' shoulders.  
"I don't know what you're saying!"  
An unintentional bite in his voice.

Boris sits up slowly, shoulders slumped as he looks down at Theo.  
"I should go home.."  
Defeated and tired sounding.

He forces himself up onto wobbly legs and Theo See's now that he's got tears slipping down his cheeks.

"Are you crying?"  
A stupid question.

Boris scoffs, walking to pick up a half empty bottle.

Theo sits up watching as boris takes another long drink, hands trembling.

"See you tomorrow.."  
He starts walking towards his house, leaving Theo in the dirt and dark.

Theo's eyes widen and he gets up, staggering after him.  
"Where are you going?"  
The horizon tips dangerously and Theo shakes his head trying to clear his muddled vision.  
'too much.'

'too much drinking.'

Boris frowns and keeps walking, unsettlingly quiet.

Theo keeps following.  
"My house is the other way.."  
He says quietly.  
Boris has never left him like this, by himself, to go to his own empty house.  
He'd always stayed with Theo.. he had clothes and books and music in Theo's bedroom, his flag even hung on Theo's closet door.  
Theo's chest tightens again and he feels his vision blur before hot tears slip onto his cheeks.  
They burn like acid on his skin.  
"...did I do something?... I can-... Please don't make me go home alone..."

Boris finally stops, rocking on his feet.  
"I do not think I should spend tonight with you..."

Theo looks up and Boris is crying too,  
He's much better at hiding it.  
"Why not? Did I do something?"

Boris sucks in a deep breath eyes falling low,  
A sad smile fixing itself on his face.  
"..I want things that you do not want to give.. and-.. it just..Блядь.. it hurts, Potter." 

Theo inches closer.  
"What is it?"

Boris laughs, watery and sad, his head tilting up to look at the sky.  
"You.. potter.. fuck, can't you see how bad I want you? I want you.. to let me touch you.. to kiss you and for you to love me like I love you.." 

Theo stares at him and he's sure he's imagining all of this.

Boris continues, looking at Theo and wiping the tears from his face, he looks sad and angry.  
"But you dont-.."

Theo jumping in and surprising himself as much as he does boris.  
"I do."

Boris laughs, it's a bitter sound, unlike one Theo has ever heard from him before.  
"Liar. You are scared of me.. so you say things to get me happy again."

Theo's hands are shaking and he's sure he's going to puke.  
"No. I'm not a liar. Is it because I didn't- we didnt.. at the park?"

He knows it is.  
He'd pushed Boris away.  
So, Boris backed off.

Boris Huffs, shaking his head.  
"Is not just that, Potter."

Theo clenched his fists.  
Because apparently tonight, in the dark, the cold and both of them crying, is the time for a serious confession.  
"Then.. tell me."

Boris scrubs his face, letting out a Shakey breath.  
"Ah.. look.. I love you.. you know how?"  
Boris is looking at him again.  
A nearly unrecognizable look of serious determination on his face.

Theo feels himself trembling and stuffs his hands in his pockets to try and stop it.  
His heart is pounding and regrets every drink he took tonight.. or maybe he regrets that he didn't drink more.  
"How?"

"Like I wouldn't fuck you, but.. actually love you. Like I would be proud of you. Like I would ask you to marry me and I would make it fucking work. That's how." He growls each word. His face twisting in anger.  
"I wouldn't do what all these other people do.. I wouldn't leave you. Do you see? That's how I love you.. fucking disgusting.. right?"

Theo stares at him, trying to process everything he's just said.

Boris scoffs, taking another drink.  
"You think I would know better... I am idiot to be telling you this.."

Theo inches forward again.  
"..you mean all that?"

Boris looks at him and nods slowly.  
"I am sorry"

Theo reaches out carefully and oh fuck, he might really be sick.  
He hooks a finger around one of boris'.  
"Come home with me.."

He wants to say 'i love you.'  
He want Boris to know.

Boris who would marry him. Boris who would love him.

Theo moves closer still, leaving a small space between them.  
"Please.. because.. i-i love you too.."

It's out and the air is thick, like no matter how much he breathed in he would still suffocate.

Boris is looking at him, softening and eyes filling with tears again.

"W-we can talk more and we'll.. I'll try. I'll try to remember this time.."  
Theo says quietly, his other hand wrapping loosley around Boris' wrist, pulling him gently towards his house.  
Their house.

Boris follows slowly.  
"I don't want to force you.. please, I do not want to be something you regret."

Theo tugs harder and they nearly topple when Boris steps on his feet.  
"I won't.. I'm just- it's scary.. okay? I'm sorry."

Boris follows as they walk down the street, passing the swings again and continuing on.  
"I know.."

Theo can feel the doubt Rolling off of Boris.  
Like he isn't convinced Theo's being honest, like he believes Theo is just lying to get him back.

Which is bullshit.  
If Theo is gonna spill his guts and deal with the feeling of molten metal and glass in his gut as the consequence of it, he's going to be taken seriously.

He stops and Boris nearly runs into him.

They're standing in the dark and Theo grabs the shoulders of Boris sweater, tugging him down and standing on tiptoe.

Boris' voice, quiet but surprised.  
"Potter?"

And Theo, ignoring him and pressing a kiss to his lips instead.

It's clumsy and rough and why the fuck is Boris so tall?

Boris kisses back, bottle knocking noisily as it hits the asphalt, spilling what little drink is left.

Theo's never kissed anyone before but it's clear Boris has, he tilts his head, arm wrapping around Theo's waist and biting gently at his bottom lip.

They've messed around before but never kissed on the lips.  
It felt like it would be crossing a line, taking it from 'youre here and I need this.' to 'its you and I want this.'

Theo pulls back, hands shaking.  
"Come on."  
He's trying to keep his voice steady.

'i kissed boris.'

Boris kicks the spilt bottle away with a frown before looking back at Theo.  
"Can I have another?"

Theo's face is blazing, heart hammering in his chest.  
He's terrified but overjoyed.  
"At home. Let's go."  
He's smiling and he can't stop himself.

'i kissed Boris and he kissed me.'

Boris grabs Theo's hand, glancing at theo, checking for permission.

Theo squeezed his hand and quickened their pace home.

The house is dark and quiet, the driveway empty.

Theo opens the door and Boris let's himself in, kicking it closed as they head upstairs.

Anxiety is boiling in Theo's gut, the thought of getting.. physical with Boris, wasn't one he hadn't thought about.  
He had, many times.  
The thought of it made him squirm with want but also shame and guilt.  
He wasn't sure he was ready to do that now.. not with everything said and in the open.  
Not when it would mean so much.  
He stops on the last step and glances back at Boris.  
"Is.. is it okay if maybe we-.. we uhm don't go.. far? Tonight?"

Boris steps up onto the next step, meeting Theo's eyes.  
"You are worried about that?"

Theo fidgets with his shirt.  
Was Boris not worried about it?  
Had Theo misread things?  
His face burns as he looks at Boris.  
"No. I just.. I wanted to tell you.. before you had the chance to get your hopes up.."

Boris smiles and grabs Theo's waist, pulling him closer.  
A dangerous game when they're both high, drunk and at the top of the stairs.  
"Like I said.. I will not force you."  
A soft kiss to his cheek and then Boris tugging him into the room.

Theo smiles and Boris clicks the desk lamp on, casting the room in a dim glow.  
"Kissing is still good right? I did get my hopes up for that.." Boris says laughing softly, his hands tracing up Theo's arms.

Theo can do that.  
He can kiss Boris.  
"Yes. Kissing is good."

Boris wastes no time, wrapping his arms around Theo and bringing their lips together.

It's softer than the one they had outside.

And Boris is pulling him closer.

Theo let's himself fall into it,  
Into boris.

His lips are chapped and he tastes like the cheap vodka they'd stolen and the little candies xandra had gotten them.

Boris pulls back, just long enough for Theo to take a breath and then comes back, hand slipping under Theo's shirt as they stumbled backwards, tripping on a pile of clothes and dropping onto the floor.

Theo looks at Boris who had just barely cought himself, hovering over Theo.  
They burst into laughter, Boris dropping down to smoosh Theo in a hug.  
"So messy, next time we clean up first"  
Boris laughs.

Theo rolls his eyes.  
"It's all your mess! I-"

Boris cuts him off. Sprinkling kisses all over Theo's cheek and jaw, trailing down his neck.  
"You know, Potter. You are adorable when you are angry."  
Boris says, smiling against Theo's skin.  
"So cute. Face gets red and you scowl behind those glasses.."

Theo blushed bright red, frowning and swatting boris' shoulder.  
"Im not cute. Who says that?"

Boris sits up, looking down at him.  
"I do. And I am right. You are cute."

Theo rolls his eyes again and Boris laughs.  
Dropping to sit on Theo's legs.  
"Kiss me again, yes?"

Theo smiles and sits up, his arms wrapping around boris.  
"Lean down, prick."

Boris does.

Theo can definitely do this.

Kiss boris.  
He could do this everyday.

He could also get used to having Boris in his lap, bony ass and all.  
Boris who he loves and maybe, hopefully soon.. won't be afraid to love.

"Sorry I made you cry.."  
Theo mutters quietly, his hands moving to Boris' face, his thumbs stroking gently over then skin that had been damp with tears only an hour before.

Boris smiles.  
"Is okay.. do not worry."

Theo hugs him tighter.  
"I won't ever make you cry again.."

Boris is looking at him, eyes soft.  
"..thank you.."

Theo gets the feeling that maybe no one has ever offered to make Boris happy and to keep him that way.

Theo can do that. He'll do his best because that's what Boris has always done for him.

He hopes Boris is willing to wait for him..  
Even now Theo's hands tremble, he's not good at this and doing this with Boris, another boy.. it scares the shit out of him.  
It scares him how much he wants it.

He'll do his best to love Boris how he wants.. how both of them want.

"We will make each other happy, yes?"  
Boris says sweetly, looking at Theo with a quircked eyebrow.

"Yes."  
Theo says.

Boris smiles back and presses another quick kiss to Theo's lips.

**Author's Note:**

> The Russian translations of what Boris is saying:
> 
> "Я люблю тебя" - I love you.
> 
> "Да, моя любовь?" - yes, my love?
> 
> "не заставляй меня останавливаться" - don't make me stop.
> 
> "Я только этого хочу" - I only want this.
> 
> "Блядь" - fuck


End file.
